My grandmother passed on this morning.
My dad called me around nine, and I missed it. I saw the call, and hoped from the bottom of my heart that it was not that call that I thought it was. I was getting ready to go out to meet some friends for breakfast when he called again. He told me that she hadn't been doing well yesterday, and then passed away this morning. When my mom told my sister and I that my grandfather had passed, I remember just putting on a blank face, nodding, and then going on with my business. I was determined not to cry, to have a brave face. But, when my dad told me grandma was gone... I just lost it. I had hoped it wouldn't be so soon, that we would have more time. I hoped that she wasn't really as sick as everyone said. But I knew, I knew it would be soon. I hate that my gut feeling was right. Hate.
I went through this day as normally as I could. I went to class, spent time with my friends, and would do my best not to think about it. But I'm drained. This day, as normal as I tried to make it, moved in slow motion. I mean, I think it's right to say that any event that puts us at any degree of shock leaves us kind of stumbling through the rest of the day, and those following. I don't believe it at this point. I mean, I believe it, but everything in me denies it and assures me that this couldn't be true, that she's still here, that I will go home again soon and visit her. Obviously, that's not so. I know that.
I feel like a broken record, describing the painful grief of those affected by the death of a loved one like every other person would. But it's a release for me. This is for me. This blog is for me, for my writing inspirations and for my sanity.
I loved my grandma. She has been a constant thing through my entire life, giving me the opportunity to make some of the most wonderful and treasured memories of my life. She and my grandfather gave my siblings, cousins and I a place where we could play and enjoy each other's company, all while learning the importance of family. My childhood is filled to the brim with memories of sled riding, swimming, and ping pong. I was so lucky to have a positive childhood, greatly due to my father's parents.
She was one of my best friends, always there to support me and cheering me on. My grandmother was the most wonderful and strongest woman I have ever met. There is no one that can compare to the example she set.
I love her. I always will. She's a part of who I am today. She'll inspire me daily, and I know that the love she gave me will last my whole life through. She'll be with me. And one day, I will see her and my grandfather again. For now... I am grateful. I am grateful for what they taught me, the memories they made with me, that they were one of the biggest parts of my life, my whole life. I couldn't ask for anything better.
P.S. I'm sorry if this seems awfully jumbled. I'm just getting out some things that I've needed to express today. Just trying to make sense of it all, and learning to accept it. Such is life...
